countdown

The bags are packed, the last minute well-wishers have been heard (with the exception of Steve, whom I should meet in New York). The netbook is bought; we tried to do a Frankenbook thing with it but it didn't work out. Two sets of clothes bought, insect-treated, dried and packed... in fact here's my list of stuff in my checked bag. Not complete, since I added about a dozen more things after this list, but close enough:
2 pairs pants, for Pat
2 sports bras
leatherman juice c2
Duraguard fly spray
3 bucktails
flashabou
hooks and split shot
AA batteries, two packs of 16 ea
roll of Gorilla Tape
roll of Duct Tape
2 rolls 30wt fishline
100 cable ties
225 safety pins
3 bottles Ibuprophen
1 bottle Piperazine-17 (cat and dog de-wormer)
Maxi DEET
Repel (Sportsman)
2 tubes Household Goop
Ultrathon
4 D batteries
AAA batteries, 16 pk
mini maglite
Leatherman Kick
Leatherman Micro
Radio/Flashlight
Rain Poncho
Ballpoint pens, black and blue, 10 ea
4 boxes crayons, 24 ea
slingshot
swim goggles
swim trunks
4 "Orka" otter toys
3 boxes bandaids
3 tubes polysporin ointment
Vagisil
Tums
Immodium
Benadryl
2 tubes toothpaste
Q-tips
Sunblock
Mosquito soap
2 bras
Pepper spray
Hat
hairties
B-vitamin pills
Water purification tabs
compass
Watch
2lb dark chocolate
spices
katadyn filter bottle
notebook
2 pairs pants (mine)
2 shirts
teva sandals
hand-power flashlight

I've stained the bag with some paint so I can distinguish it on the turnstile if need be... (GW Fiery Orange, if you're wondering.) Think I might also wrap it with duct tape. Waiting now for six-ish hrs to elapse and Helki to wake and take me to the airport. My bank account was lower than I was thinking it would be; I suspect something got messed up in there somewhere, but I transferred some funds from savings to checking, and deposited a couple of checks, so it should be OK for the trip. Not much to buy out in the Rupununi and not much to buy it with, anyway. I'll take about $500 cash.

I'm mostly packed. At the moment I'm wondering what I'm going to do for the layover in JFK. I contacted a friend in New York but I get conflicting information on how easy (or not) it is to get in and out of JFK to Manhattan, etc. Being that I don't actually like cities all that much, I think I may just skip it, and stay in the airport and wait for my flight. My checked bag weighs a ton. OK, 35 lbs

EveR in the Land of the Giants

Guyana is about the size of the UK, with a (human) population a little more than Seattle. The rest of the realm is full of animals. Including some record-breakers: http://www.iwokrama.org/dwsite/Giants%20of%20El%20Dorado%20.html ... More and more I feel like I've found a place I could dedicate the rest of my life to. All this time I was hoping for a mystical land through a forbidden portal, and all this time it was right here.

(deleted)

The more I hear about Karanambu the more it sounds too good to be true. A place where there's snakes and toads living peacefully (when they're not eating each other) in the main office? A baby raccoon in the bedroom? Fishing MANDATORY (gotta feed the otters!). Horses a viable and practical form of transport, while cars are few and far between? No TV, no phones, but yes Internet? General "old West" feel? All the awesome exoticness of a foreign land, but they still speak (mostly) English? TWO species of otters? Butterflies, orchids, poison dart frogs, birds... Other than the heat and the bugs, there's gotta be some drawback I'm not seeing here, or why isn't everyone there!?

They'd like me to bring a watch and a Leatherman tool for them. Squeee! I am Helping!

Saw a train engineer today... totally wearing bib overalls, check shirt, hat, everything.

I find myself doing a lot of things, mostly eating things, with the air of "I won't be able to do this when I'm in Guyana." Eating sushi, and pizza, and Chinese food, and blueberries, and local beer... ok, I'm sure Georgetown has at least some of these things (and maybe even sushi but I don't think I'd risk it) but out on the river? Doubt it. But each of these things is still somewhat disappointing; I gorge and yet feel unfulfilled and often throw up later. Because it's not really food I'm wanting, not even the tastes of home, it's just a desperate attempt to grab hold of my past that is slipping away every day, and now is finally being yanked away entirely for three months. There's some panic. I've never been to a place this 'foreign', never been somewhere on my own, for this long. And I'm doing it all on a hope and a promise and a couple of emails from some people I've never met.

I wish I could more cleanly separate myself from him, but as I get ready to do this I keep thinking about what he would say or think, or how the way I'm living my life compares with the way he's living his or the way we used to live ours together. It's not productive, I know. Its like the whole mess left me with a wound, a big wound that is sorta scabbed over and so forth, now, but it makes me travel with a limp, no matter what I do.

A day of painting, trying to get things done before I go. It's an odd feeling; I still can't believe I'm doing this. Night brings strange dreams, as usual. I almost feel like I'm going off to die. Not in a bad way, per se, but just that everything else I was going to do with my life didn't quite pan out, so this is where the story ends.

Was a weird day, full of portents. Helki was sick. The bank was showing that horrible scene in the nature documentary about the polar bear swimming into death. The guys at the Ed's Surplus were talking about killing otters. Lost my ebay auction for a netbook. I bought mochi ice cream and painted orcs. Ok, the last bit isn't very portentious. But overall, geeze, I feel bad that I am waiting this long to go to Karanambu. I'm not sure if the 'feeling like I'm going to be too late' is worse than the "feeling like I'm not needed, or wanted" which I've lived with the past two years.

No, on typing, it's definitely not worse.

In Google Maps I can locate Karanambu and zoom in on it, through scattered clouds down to a little cluster of buildings in a clearing, with nothing else all around except a river. I wish I was already there.

"You will learn, "Buy" is an important word, and you will need to know how to pronounce it correctly, many times, as you prepare for your travels".

There's a couple of things I probably should send back. But I guess I do need a camera, so I got a small durable (durable is my watchword, more so than ever) Canon Elph (used, with an additional memory card) and a spare battery for it. Trying to get a netbook; the ASUS series with the solid-state drives seem to be what I'm looking for in terms of "durable" but there's a bewildering array of models, now, and the one I -want- is discontinued so I'm hunting on Ebay. Well, again, I'd rather get something Used, anyway.

The solar array recharger thing, maybe I shouldn't have got that... But it was half-price (from $600!) and it folds up small... D&P want me to bring batteries, and I will, but if I can bring them something that'll help alleviate a battery shortage, maybe that'll be nice.

I took back the insect-repellent clothes because they felt weird. I will get some permethrin wash and treat clothes of my own, so they'll be more comfy AND kill bugs. And I'll slather myself in DEET, and generally I will be a walking cyclone of DEATH to any invertebrates. And I will get a water filter bottle and some aqua pure tablets. Yes, I am indeed the Reaper of small lives, but better to get them before they get me.

I dreamed about him again, basically just trying to explain to him why his actions meant I could not only not trust him, but I couldn't trust anyone, ever. And I was sad, but I was still going to Guyana, dammit, and him showing up wasn't going to change that. Also dreamed about trying to catch a baby rattlesnake while trying to keep cats and dogs from 'helping'.

Prepping

I've bought my ticket. On Expedia, so I don't actually have it in-hand, to fondle and read and re-read and lose and panic about and find again and all the other little rituals that should go with it. But the money's come out of the account, the confirmation email is in my inbox, so I guess it's happened. It's real. I'm committed.

When they first said "pack your bags", I went into a state of shock. Kept expecting something to come up, some kind of "Well, let's have a phone interview" or having them contact various of my references. I kept waiting for something to come up that would mean I couldn't do it. At first I was almost hoping something would; better to be unable to try than to try and fail, right? But gradually I came back to remembering that this really was my dream, and just because it could be real, didn't make it less of a dream.

It still is hard to believe it's real, though. I'm sitting here in Edmonds, the sky is grey and our brief hot spell has gone, replaced with cool and fog. The chickadees are at the suet, and there's a hint of fall in the air. The world of chocolate rivers and huge spiders and thunder and heat and otters seems like a fantasy world; I devour all the pictures I can find but I know nothing is going to prepare me for when I actually arrive, and can smell the air, and feel the weather, when even the bugs underfoot will be species I've never seen before, and I'll hear the birdcalls and not be able to recognize them all. Far more exciting and daunting, to me, than not being able to speak the language of humans. Heck, I can barely understand a lot of humans anyway. But to see a plant or an insect or a bird or reptile and -not know what it is-... whether it is rare or common, harmless or dangerous... that's going to be amazing. I've tried to find books on the flora and fauna to prepare but all I can find are local field guides. Even "birds of North America" is going to be pretty useless.

I shopped for computers. There doesn't seem to be an option for a keyboard that bugs can't get into.

Blogging, as promised. Trying to see how this program works. Test test, and so forth.